Originally Posted by
Unfated33
You see increased negative outcomes for children in homes with aunt-or-uncle-type adults coupled with the parents, regardless of the cohort. Therefore, for any of the classifications of relationships you've noted above, adults bringing more aunt-or-uncle-type persons into the home should be avoided. We already see that this behavior is not limited to same sex, nor to non-monogamous couples. It happens when a real aunt or uncle violates a cis-couple's child. It happens when a non-biologically related step parent is brought into the family unit. There are plenty of non-monogamy models where aunt-or-uncle type relationships are not formed with the children. DADT, Swinging that doesn't come home, adultery, childfree polyamory, etc. all exemplify models where the outside adult is not in contact with familial children. Certainly some of these have their own flaws, and I'm not recommending any particular relationship alternative over the other.
My argument is fairly nuanced here - if you're going to want polyamory, it should reduce down to relationship anarchy (and I think you support this concept, in your description of avoidance of rules that you've espoused earlier in thread and even your broad misidentification of the concept of non-monogamy right before this post). If you're going to practice relationship anarchy, you are going to develop relationships with a non-biological line, peer-level partner that will act as an "aunt-or-uncle"-type unit in the home. And if you do that, you are putting your children at an increased risk. So either don't have children or don't practice relationship anarchy/polyamory. You can still be non-monogamous without crossing the wrong lines on outsider-child relations, but it does require some rules and hierarchy. Perhaps there's a more middle ground that I should concede, as my argument also boils down to the fact that you shouldn't remarry a new, non-biological partner after you've had kids. For the moment, I think I'd rather be consistent and say you shouldn't remarry and you shouldn't practice relationship anarchy with children due to the risk of real harm.
You define yourself however you see fit. Just eschew making relationships if relationships 2-5 are romantic in nature such that you would bring those people into a home with kids (and for a global you that doesn't actually mean "YOU", when those people bring you into their home with their kids). Do you think I'm making some other reference or implication about your other relationships outside of kids? Because when you get outside of the boundaries for what might cause harm, you do you - I don't care.