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Thread: The OT thread V1

  1. #3791
    Quote Originally Posted by Fred View Post
    That's a fantastically logical response, yet his point is that emotions are involved, which precludes your logic.
    one can be wise and understand an emotion, and yet make a reasonable choice that doesn't put 3 lives in significant danger of being ruined. its called being an adult. crisis response is a poor place to make decisions from. emotionally mature humans know this.



    interestingly, we are coming to point where i'm going to have to start telling my family that i am poly and in serious dating relationships with two women. i dont think consciously this will be an issue, my parents and brother and sister in law are all good people, but i can't help worrying that subconsciously they will treat kassy differently after we tell them we also date other people. ie, basically not take our relationship as seriously as they currently do.
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  2. #3792
    Insider imped4now's Avatar
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    They probably won't....but can you really blame them?
    OlllllllO

  3. #3793
    Quote Originally Posted by imped4now View Post
    They probably won't....but can you really blame them?
    mmmm, no i can't. there isn't really a narrative out there for this not being a garbage fire of a situation. or some kind of coping mechanism for a failed or failing relationship. or a sign that someone is incomplete or inadequate. just because thats the narrative in the culture, doesn't mean its true. its actually a perfect example of how stories and narratives, true or false, actually create the real world. rather than the other way around. it takes changing the story, which takes time. a generation ago homosexuality was a mental illness requiring electro shock therapy, now we of course know that it isn't and it is a perfectly valid, and functional way to have relationships. the story had to change. we need stories of happy, stable, non-monogamous relationships.
    Last edited by cockerpunk; Today at 11:11 AM.
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  4. #3794
    Insider new ion?'s Avatar
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    So on Sunday our foster dog got adopted and went to his forever home. They're great people and he'll do so well there.

    Monday, I drop Sam off at the airport for a week long conference, and pick up another foster dog...

    This new foster Libby is COMPLETELY different from our other ones. She's super reserved and scared and I am so stressed out for her. I was so happy to wake up to piss and shit on the floor this morning; meaning she finally ate/drank/evacuated. Who would have thought that a dog that does nothing but lay in her crate all the time would be so stressful?

    I haven't been able to touch her yet, I haven't gotten her outside - I've never actually seen her outside of her crate. Luckily I have emotional & idea support from Alexa (my dog)'s sister's owner/mom as well as the rescue owner because otherwise I might have died of heart attack by now.

  5. #3795
    Quote Originally Posted by new ion? View Post
    So on Sunday our foster dog got adopted and went to his forever home. They're great people and he'll do so well there.

    Monday, I drop Sam off at the airport for a week long conference, and pick up another foster dog...

    This new foster Libby is COMPLETELY different from our other ones. She's super reserved and scared and I am so stressed out for her. I was so happy to wake up to piss and shit on the floor this morning; meaning she finally ate/drank/evacuated. Who would have thought that a dog that does nothing but lay in her crate all the time would be so stressful?

    I haven't been able to touch her yet, I haven't gotten her outside - I've never actually seen her outside of her crate. Luckily I have emotional & idea support from Alexa (my dog)'s sister's owner/mom as well as the rescue owner because otherwise I might have died of heart attack by now.
    trauma is a thing.

    i read about an experiment with dogs in the book "the body keeps the score" (highly recommend), about dogs who were electrocuted in cages and not allowed to leave. and then after essentially getting used to being shocked in these cages, they opened the doors to let them out. and they stayed in the cages. even when shocked again, they stayed in the cages. the control experiment was done, where they shocked some dogs just once, and then opened the cages, and they ran free out of the cages. the dogs who refused to leave literally had to be physically fought to pull them out of the cages, even though thats where they were being shocked. and they would run back into the cages if allowed to, even when shocked again.

    the brain, literally re-wires itself due to trauma with some very very counter intuitive functions. when fear is all you know, its all you are.

    interestingly i think the phenomena is not unlike the self-triggering conservative brain. addicted to being angry at everything, addicted to the trigger.
    Last edited by cockerpunk; Today at 11:14 AM.
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  6. #3796
    Insider new ion?'s Avatar
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    I think the trauma is due to the flight - I have photos of her before the flight cuddling with the rescue owner in the DR. You've got some excellent thoughts there, thank you for that insight.

    Alexa's sister's owner said her dog (Rosie) was similar for the first couple days - it was very difficult to lure her out of the crate, ignoring everything, etc.

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