Originally Posted by
JimBobFett
JMO, but "on its face value its based on things i agree with, that its pretty much an insane notion that one person is going to be your fulfilling sexual partner, your life partner, your roommate, a great parent to your kids, good with money, good to travel with, and they are going to be the this way for 40+ years. that's a pretty insane job really."
I don't think its insane at all. All those roles you list; non-monogamy really only solves the 'fulfilling sexual partner' one, you know? At least how you seem to present it. Ignore that aspect, and it seems you are still looking for all the other things because you want a partner to live with, share economic goals, and raise kids. So if its just the romance or sex that seems hard to maintain, work on it. That seems to be the lost art in this age... figuring out how to balance the secure, trusted, and familiar with the new, risky, and unfamiliar with just one person. However, it IS possible with the right person and the right skills. Some things about people change over time, and other things don't... work together to manage what you both hope for and yeah, the person you know today could be someone totally different in the years to come.
I've come face to face with Poly in my own life, and ended up going head to head with a few of the authors who write the books about it. What I have noticed is that Poly is really about compartmentalizing relationships with other people. Research studies from three Universities found that too. What I found totally insane is this "blue pill" mentality of people constantly telling themselves a reality (and to each other in the usually incestuous poly communities) exists that requires blindfolding your perception and really drinking the kool-ade. There are commonly used slogans, euphemisms, and analogies used to really sell the idea, making it seem 'progressive', more 'natural', or 'more enlightened'. This seems to have resulted in a sort of 'mythology'. The thing is, many of the points used to sell one aspect are either contradictions with something else to sell another idea, or the idea used to sell one thing would contradict something else. Its like a 'pick and choose' what you want to tell other people sales pitch. But after doing the reading and interacting, the idea exchange really resulted in a realization that there are many myths used to explain or sell polyamory that are just plain bullshit. They are things that "sound good" but aren't "good & sound", but we are used to the "good sounding" things because we want to believe things like "love is infinite". Those type of beliefs make us feel good about ourselves, but fundamentally aren't true. The whole "monogamy is unrealistic now because it lasts so long" argument is just more of that kool-ade. The whole idea that jealousy is some inferior emotion or personal problem that you should rise above is also bull. Jealousy may be a bad thing and all that, but it exists for a reason. Don't let it define you, sure... but having a fear of possible changes that may be out of your control isn't unwise. We like to think that we can control our thoughts like a computer or control how our attractions will influence us or others... but we can't control lots of that stuff easily.
No blinders for me, thank you.