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Thread: The OT thread V1

  1. #3391
    Quote Originally Posted by Lurker27 View Post
    tdlr ur a cuck now
    well said. clear and honest communication
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  2. #3392
    Insider Unfated33's Avatar
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    Candidly, I think the practice of poly drives me towards relationship nihilism. And I say that being generally more supportive of the concept of open, honest relationships than most Americans.

    Edit: I'm not sure relationship nihilism is a term that has clear meaning. So in this case I'm using it to mean that I find a sense of despair going down the slope to where relationships no longer have meaning or value from norms. You might individually create your own value and renegotiate it, but as you said, your poly is not anyone else's poly. I find the idea that we should abandon relationship norms on the path to better relationships to be... well, a weighty sadness.
    Last edited by Unfated33; 08-22-2018 at 03:37 PM.

  3. #3393
    Quote Originally Posted by Unfated33 View Post
    Candidly, I think the practice of poly drives me towards relationship nihilism. And I say that being generally more supportive of the concept of open, honest relationships than most Americans.

    Edit: I'm not sure relationship nihilism is a term that has clear meaning. So in this case I'm using it to mean that I find a sense of despair going down the slope to where relationships no longer have meaning or value from norms. You might individually create your own value and renegotiate it, but as you said, your poly is not anyone else's poly. I find the idea that we should abandon relationship norms on the path to better relationships to be... well, a weighty sadness.
    fair enough, im not going to tell you you are wrong about your own feelings.

    id just say that if sexual fidelity is the only thing holding a relationship as special ... i think thats more sad.

    i dont think anyone is advocating for ending relationship norms, i think the point is we shouldn't be having relationships based on assumptions. those assumptions lead to unmet expectations, and unmet expectations make one unhappy. instead, we should strive to understand and compromise relationship expectations in order to have more fulfilling relationships. that means examining what expectations we place on our partners. sexual fidelity could still be an expectation, but it, along with everything else, should be clearly and ongoingly discussed, so as to meet expectations for each partner.
    Last edited by cockerpunk; 08-22-2018 at 03:52 PM.
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  4. #3394
    Insider PBSteve's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unfated33 View Post
    I'm not sure relationship nihilism is a term that has clear meaning. So in this case I'm using it to mean that I find a sense of despair going down the slope to where relationships no longer have meaning or value from norms.
    Poly relationships have norms too, they're just different.
    Ever so many citizens of this republic think they ought to believe that the Universe is a monarchy, and therefore they are always at odds with the republic. -Alan Watts

    I work for the company building the Paragon

  5. #3395
    Insider Unfated33's Avatar
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    I'd love for that idea of poly norms to be more fleshed out. In practice, the experiences I have all become relationship anarchy.

    What do you mean when you say poly norms?
    Last edited by Unfated33; 08-22-2018 at 05:12 PM.

  6. #3396
    Quote Originally Posted by Unfated33 View Post
    I'd love for that idea of poly norms to be more fleshed out. In practice, the experiences I have all become relationship anarchy.

    What do you mean when you say poly norms?
    if a person wants relationship anarchy then they can have it.

    i personally don't. so mine isn't. there are certainly folks ive met who are poly who are a whole ball of wax of drama, and thats not what im interested in. so i don't date them. these folks mostly IMO are using poly to cover for some personality or confidence flaws, but thats personal conjecture/judgment. if thats how they want to live there life, that is fine with me, and im happy to know and be friends with them, but im not going to date them. same as if i was out looking for a partner for a monogamous relationship.

    norms? idk, probably the same as any other relationship norms. we talk, we text, we go on dates, we travel, we support each other when shit sucks, we stay out of each others hair if thats whats best right then ... idk ... what do you mean when you say "norms?"
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  7. #3397
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    Cohabitation in a poly relationship seems complicated; procreation in a poly relationship seems even more so.

  8. #3398
    Insider PBSteve's Avatar
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    IDK, I have a co-worker who makes the cohabitation thing work well enough, which is impressive even for a couple given the housing market around here.
    Ever so many citizens of this republic think they ought to believe that the Universe is a monarchy, and therefore they are always at odds with the republic. -Alan Watts

    I work for the company building the Paragon

  9. #3399
    Quote Originally Posted by ironyusa View Post
    Cohabitation in a poly relationship seems complicated; procreation in a poly relationship seems even more so.
    why?

    honest question. the nuclear family and economics makes procreation harder than it ever has been before?
    social conservatism: the mortal fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun.

  10. #3400
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    Cohabitation forces cooperative reliance to some extent, which is fundamentally opposed to the basic precepts you have laid-out for your open relationships. The practicality of openness is superseded by responsibility... or at least how I see it.

    Procreation as a purely biological function is not really what I meant. Bad term there, rather child rearing. Despite unfounded claims to the counter, there is a strong body of information that suggests that kids do better in traditional mom-dad families. Even if you dispute that and suggest same-sex couples can have the same success, the structural instability of the open system is not ideal for child development. Logically, I don't see a way around it.

    This coming from a square that just celebrated my 14th year of marriage.

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