here is one for you about how consent and rules don't really work together.
and since last time i used an example from my life, 3 years of my life was misdiagnosed by a stranger who doesn't know me, her, or anything about our relationship, lets use something more fun shall we? as much as i appreciate being told my relationships are meaningless, lets have some more fun shall we?
its always sunny in Philadelphia
when the gang buys a boat. and dennis says they need have a bunch of women on the boat, and then get them drunk, and get them alone out in international waters. they will then have sex with them. because of the implication. mac explains thats still rape, but dennis says no, they are agreeing to sex, so it isn't rape.
its because dennis has actually taken away the woman's ability to consent.
because "the implication" is that something bad might happen to her if she doesn't have sex with them. ie, dennis has set up a price to pay to say no. hes made it harder for her to opt out. he hasn't created a situation for them to have the freedom to opt in, hes only raised the stakes on opting out. consent isn't just NOT saying no, its opting in. not saying no, only means the price to say no is too high, but it hasn't created a consensual situation.
link for convenience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yUafzOXHPE
this is what rules do in a relationship. they raise the price of opting out, they raise the price of saying no. they do not create a situation to opt in. they don't create motivation to opt in. they actually take away the opportunity to honestly and fully opt in (like the phone call example). it feels bad because its not consent to be put in a situation where you are punished for saying no.